Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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