Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
