So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
