Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
