Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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