woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
