i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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