i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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