Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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