I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
