i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
