Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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