maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
