you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
