I got chris browned last night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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