Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
