I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
