walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
