Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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