I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We need to get me chipped asap
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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