You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
