Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
