walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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