What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
