Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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