Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
