Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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