ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i love accidental penises.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
