Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
