Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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