Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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