Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
