They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
