Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
