and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
