i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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