She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's paint friendship bongs
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
