Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
