Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
