so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
