It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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