She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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