And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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