You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
