D3 body, D1 cock
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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