She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
