is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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