Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
