Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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