brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
