So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
