The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I didn't notice because vodka
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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