I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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