please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
