I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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