Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
