Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
