i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
