Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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