i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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