That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
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