$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
