why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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