like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
