I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
