member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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