I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
