You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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