I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
