I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize