if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
