So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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