Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
