If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
