took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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