need another drink. this is the easiest way
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
