thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
