And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
