Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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