Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
